In order to rectify the atrocities committed within this undisclosed establishment, Shep requests- no, DEMANDS- that the following policies are put forth:

1. Free Treats provided in every location every 5 minutes(dog time)
2. Playtime (separate from lunch and snack breaks) instituted twice daily
3. Tennis Balls and Squeaky Toys provided in all recreational areas
4. Fire hydrants installed in the restrooms
5. Daily affirmations of “Good Boy/Girl”
6. Longer walks with uninterrupted sniff breaks

And Finally, most importantly:

BANDANAS FOR EVERY DOG!